Some women have advised parents, particularly mothers, to stop putting undue pressure on their daughters to get married within a particular age bracket.
According to them, readiness, compatibility and the right partner should take precedence over societal expectations.
The women shared their views in separate interviews with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on Saturday in Lagos.
According to the women, pressure from parents, relations and society on early marriage could negatively affect their emotional and psychological wellbeing.
Bunmi Alake, 30-year-old self-employed woman, said the emphasis and pressure some parents placed on marital status was overrated, particularly when they discouraged relationships during their daughters’ earlier years.
Alake said some parents considered marriage mandatory once a woman reached a certain age, in spite of having previously insisted she stayed away from relationships.
“At 26, my mother started asking when I was getting married but when I was in the university, she did not approve of me being in a relationship.
“The marriage request became so bad at a point that I lost weight and it affected me psychologically,” she said.
Alake said although parents naturally wanted their children to be happily married, they should also consider their children’s personal readiness and aspirations.
“Yes, parents believe marriage is necessary but they never once ask if you want to get married or not.
“The joy of every parent is to see their children happily married but what comes after the marriage ceremony is your responsibility,” she said.
She said she eventually had a conversation with her mother and explained that marriage should not be treated as a do-or-die affair.
According to her, she would get married when she felt prepared rather than allow herself to be pressured into it.
“Getting married early for a lady is good but finding the right person is more important because I do not want to look back and say, ‘Had I known.’
“It is better to marry late than to have regrets,” she said.
Similarly, Aishatu Suleiman, 32-year-old accountant, said marriage should not be entered into by people who were not adequately prepared for its responsibilities.
Suleiman said marriage could bring significant changes to a woman’s life, adding that women were often expected to adjust to new responsibilities involving their husbands and extended families.
“Marriage for ladies is different from men. For a lady, everything changes and so much is expected of her in that relationship.
“Her name changes, her lifestyle changes, and she is responsible to her husband and his family because she is not just marrying the man, she is also taking responsibility for his side of the family,” she said.
She said women were often expected to suddenly demonstrate a high level of maturity after marriage, irrespective of whether they were adequately prepared for the responsibilities.
Suleiman said while getting married might be easy, remaining in a healthy marriage required commitment, understanding and preparedness.
She cautioned young ladies against getting married if they were not ready for it.
“Marriage is beautiful if you have the right partner,” she said.
Also, Nifemi Bello, 33-year-old marketer, said there was no universally prescribed age at which everyone should get married.
Bello said some young women considered 25 or 26 years to be the ideal age for marriage because of societal expectations but questioned if they were physically, emotionally and mentally prepared.
“At a point, every lady wishes she could be married at 25 or 26 because they believe that is the right and prime time of every young woman.
“Some married and were able to stay in it but if they tell you what they went through behind the scenes, you will ask them, ‘Is this all just to be married?’” she said.
Bello noted that while no marriage was perfect and many women would prefer to preserve their marriages, personal safety and wellbeing should remain paramount.
She urged women not to sacrifice their wellbeing merely to satisfy parental or societal expectations.
“Marriage is different for everyone, but choose yourself,” she said.
Idara Michaels, 40-year-old hairstylist, said rather than bow to pressure while waiting for the right partner, they should spend that time achieving their life goals because marriage and nurturing of children could be the end of their dreams.
“I aspired for so much before I got married and somehow lost myself over the years building a home and support my spouse.
“Now I’m just trying to rebuild my career,” she said
Michaels urged parents to provide guidance and support for their children while allowing them to make responsible decisions about marriage based on their individual circumstances and preparedness.
